Greetings Runey!
Thank you for creating one of the most memorable story games I've played in a while. I hope you earn yourself an at least OK living with it, you'd deserve it. This really isn't "just another H game" - you're putting thought into it, and it shows. Kudos!
Despite enjoying this game for quite some time, I cannot make any contributions in terms of money... but I hope I can at the very least give you some feedback that you can work with.
As I am a fanfiction author, I know that sometimes, good criticism & feedback can be quite valuable as well. And maybe, you'll find another writer's perspective helpful, too.
Now, this will be a bit of a wild mix between praise, criticism and general comments, so please excuse my scattered brain. Anyone else: HEAVY SPOILER WARNING.
- I think your storytelling is quite good, and I can see that all of the plots and subplots of each char are making sense for that individual char.
- I want to especially praise you for moving Ashley away from the "yandere" role, which I just don't think would've worked out, and her new direction suits her much, much better. Generally, compared to a few updates ago & with your reworks, the chars seem to be a bit more 3D.
- I am however a bit worried about the "slave" routes, especially for Nia. I wonder how you're gonna bring them back on track, especially since the last scene that you released for her seems a bit... "abrupt", given that it's the same one as on the "love" route.
- I am not sold on the "flip" you've put on Cornwall, now Minister Cornwall. I personally would've preferred or gone with what was your original intent - a slaver, a powerful figure, who is on the edge however.
- That being said, I have my suspicions about where you're heading with the "somewhat sudden" rise in prominence you're giving the Mafia, so I think you got that one figured out.
- You're walking a fine line on making the world and the country seem both hopeless and spraying in glitters of hope - but given all the restrictions and everything you're putting into place, even with the latest Event for Lin, I am worrying that you're manouvering yourxself into a corner where any sudden change towards a "brighter world" seems... forced, not plausible, breaking immersion. Which would be a shame.
- A society has an inherent resistance to change. Just look at how long it took the USA to get where they are now with racial injustice - and keep in mind that even now it still isn't completely fair.
- The personality of the Manager puzzles me. He both feels like the players avatar - and decidedly not. It is a bit of a vague feel... but for the first one, you'd have to grant him more freedom, as most of his choices are rather linear. I don't think that's practical.
- Example: During the Expedition to the High Elves' island, if Lin's obedience (and I hate that that's the word for her affection even later on, same with Android) is too low, something (even more) critical should go wrong, or that scene where you whisper her words of encouragement should fail.
- Alternatively, you should make it clear that HE is his own person, and we players get to control a limited amount of dialogue and choices. In my opinion, this is where you're heading anyway (given how a lot of the Events and all of the stories depend on each other). Given how disconnnected at least I am often feeling from the choices HE makes over which I have no influence (e.g. the dinner with Kate - I would've never brought flowers)
- There are a few ways you can do this. One option would be, for example, to add an option where the Manager can sit down in his room and "think" about the different chars, so that both HE and I are on the same page as to what he's planning.
- Thinking about it, that wouldn't be too different from the "dates" you recently brought into the game. Which is a feature I LOVE, by the way. Thank you!
- Also, he can be a bit more proactive with things like, for example, Ashleys Birthday party. I hate how passive HE is there. Also, the amount of less-than-energetic "sure" replies sometimes...
- Too often it still feelss like the Manager gets just "dragged along". He often, especially in the earlier stages, lakes the 'drive' and the ability 'to lead'. If I were his sidekick - I'd honestly lack confidence. And isn't this one of the selling points of the Manager to the girls, that he helps them in their difficult life choices? More internal monologue please, if thats the way you wanna go. Especially when he 'tricks' Autumn and may, actually, genuinely feels guilty for it after he realizes what's going on (after all, the main instigators are Ellen and Android). Or, even more so, when 'breaking & remolding' Emma and Felicity.
- I think you may be thinking in a similar vein, though. After all, HE apparently gained about 100 IQ in the last of Ashley's Events and the hunt for Ms. Ren. That makes sense, I follow his line of thought - and it's clearly HIM thinking. I like that a lot.
- There are a few ways you can do this. One option would be, for example, to add an option where the Manager can sit down in his room and "think" about the different chars, so that both HE and I are on the same page as to what he's planning.
- There are a few minor bugs & errors in the way the scenes are played, so please do be careful about that. You ARE bringing patches to fix them, but one potentially nasty one I encountered when re-playing is that, even before the blood test, Maria is already depressed about her... "condition". I knew what was coming, a new player might've been seriously put out.
Phew, that was a lot of text. Sorry about that. But I do hope that my thoughts & ideas are at least somewhat helpful for you! You have and still are creating something excellent here, so don't let me spoil it for you.
Thank you a lot for the time and effort you've put into this. It's been excellent and, not joking, one of my favourite games.