You don't need to apologise :3 And it's okay. We all have our own unique experiences of life. Whether folks show emotion or not doesn't really matter, but when someone chooses to reach out, that's just a really kind thing to do in general :3 My brother rarely shows any emotion (he suffers with poor mental health as well), but I know he cares cos he shows it in really small but significant ways.
Sorry you've struggled with those sorts of thoughts and feelings :( I'm not great with failure either. I quite often beat myself up for thinking I'm a failure even if I haven't failed at something! And it's even worse if I genuinely have failed. I quite often wind up thinking of taking my life too, to the point that it's almost become a comforting thing for me cos it's like, well, at least there is a way out of my mess of a life >.< I think one of my therapists called it suicidal ideation or something! She did say that while it's not exactly great to do, it's better if I'm only thinking about it rather than actually acting on it.
I'm a massive overthinker too >.< I find it very difficult to shut off my brain and find peace. Most of the time, working on my VN projects helps with that since it gives me something to focus on, but sometimes, even that is not enough if I'm feeling particularly exhausted and overwhelmed. I have found over the years thought that immersing myself in nature helps a lot :3 It's like while I'm outside surrounded by plants and animals, there's always something going on to distract me! And that helps me stop constantly ruminating cos I'm focused on what's happening around me rather than what's in my head x3
That's part of the reason why I decided to take part in the 30DaysWild challenge this month :3 I figured maybe it would help me while at the same time hopefully helping nature in general!
It does seem to be making me feel better so far! I'm worried once June is over though, I'll go back to feeling crap again >.< I guess I should try not to think about that for now!
I totally agree that it's better to feel pain and stuff than nothing at all! I've been on meds before that made me so numb that it was genuinely terrifying when I realised just how much my emotions had been deadened. And you're absolutely right that all we can do is keep going and try to push through.
Thank you for writing all that anyhow, and I hope that things get better for you as well so that you don't have to keep suffering through pain and bad times! We all just have to try and keep encouraging each other to keep going I guess.
And don't worry about donating anyhow :3