I liked this -- kudos for writing a batch script! I liked the writing. It was humorous and I liked the variety of the scenarios.

I played the Terminal_Spies.bat version, and I noticed that using any non-1/2 response would end the program. Maybe you could restructure it so that it redoes the prompt if you give an invalid response? A fall-through could work to give it an Else-like behavior:

Example:

> :Intro_2
> Echo "Oh... Can you hear me now?" 
> Echo [1 for yes and 2 for no]
> set /p yes=
> if %Yes% == 1 Goto :Something
> Goto :Intro_2

> :Something

btw is 9418008 a reference to something? I was thinking it would be a code for the nuke in the final branch or something like that.