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Yeah, I think that's all anyone can do when they're stuck in a place like that >.< And I guess holding on is enough if you can do it for long enough to get through the crap times and to a place where you can smile at stuff again :3 It's so much easier to keep holding on when there are folks like you around who are kind enough to help just by giving a comforting word or two! I honestly don't know what I'd do if I were completely alone. I'm so, so lucky to have such a caring dad to help me in person along with so many sweet people online who are willing to support me even when everything falls apart. It means more than I can put into words really!

That sucks so much that you've been stuck having to wait on help yourself :( It's such a frustrating position to be in, especially when you've managed to muster the mettle to try and help yourself, only to be told that you've gotta wait on that help >.< 

I don't know about you, but I've gone through so many bursts of pushing super hard to get professional help only to have to wait so long for it that by the time it's actually available, I've fallen back into a place where I can barely push myself to attend an appointment, and if I make it there, the fire I previously had has gone out, and all I can do is sit lifelessly in the chair opposite a therapist while they speak and nothing goes in >.<

Heh, it might be a little depressing of an analogy, but it's so true!! I might even have to use that as a way to explain my frustration the next time I do eventually get off of a waiting list and see someone finally, haha.

And that's a very good idea to make a list of questions because every time, without fail, when someone asks me at an appointment if I have any questions, my mind goes blank, then I think of a billion things once I've already left >.< That kinda goes back to that general feeling of hopelessness that I'm usually in by the time I get an appointment. I guess I should try and seize the opportunity to get some thoughts and questions down when I'm in one of those more defiant moods.

That's a great way of thinking about it as well as you say, a healthier sort of introspection! Cos my usual introspection always winds up taking a rather dark downward spiral x3

Right now, doing the 30 days wild challenge definitely seems to be helping somewhat. The biggest danger is relying on it too much to make me feel okay/stable, because I've done that before with things like game jams where I can function while the thing is taking place, but then have a massive crash once it's over >.< I need to somehow find a better sorta balance where I don't make 1 thing my everything. I fall into that trap over and over again. Even though I'm aware of it, I still allow it to happen o.O 

Thank you for everything :3 It's always immensely helpful to hear how other people deal with this sort of thing and try to take snippets of everyone's advice until I find a bunch of stuff that works for me. And since I'm so awful at remembering to put myself first sometimes, it will always help to hear someone tell me to at least try to do it. I feel like it's slowly sinking in the more I hear it! Like the more voices that say it's okay to do it, the more I can actually tell that to myself and genuinely believe it. So yeah, thanks again and I hope that you're able to keep pushing through too :3