Thanks for connecting. I’m in a scary place tonight. I made a mistake, a connection too deep, with someone a few weeks back. The bad things in anothers life, the death of the one who raised them, domestically debilitating ex, workplace disaster trauma, the encounter, and the hotel room a free doors down. We cannot afford each other. The bad things finding me echoes too strongly the paths another took through me. And they hurt. And the hurt s deeper than the meaning. I know I need to leave. I’ve never felt fear if it’s this. I know I need to leave.
I talked it out with some people I say good night to when I checked your message. I met them taking down a dead limb from a sycamore, scared to hit the person’s car other limbs of the tree is under.
I grab a second branch of the limb this person I just walked up to is tugging or walking down. When the branch is it’s farthest. I ask them to walk towards me. I ask if theyve ever done a maypole ceremony. The limb falls on the word ceremony. They offer me some of the wood. I think of the sight of the person I’ve met’s firepit, covered with expellants of their trailer with pop-out slide. I decline.
I take two hits. A won’t take it from me until it seems I cough, as I do and they do. I talk out how I got here. Between two oceans. Trying to get to Eugene to start school again. Staying because I met someone. Who could use my ear. And then my words. My hand, my presence, my thoughts, my mind, my being, my next to them, respectfully.
It all became who could please what’s made by being between us. And bring the other over making middles meaning. I’m scared. I need to leave. I want to leave this right enough to hurt than it misses.
Thank you again for seeing
