My brain is melted because I haven't slept right because of the fear and I was tired before but I read your comment.
I hope that writing it helped.
I don't have any solutions or answers but thank you.
I totally understand.
It really did and I had a good day today.
Sometimes there isn't any answers, things are what they are and you just gotta step forward, out of the old, into the new. I always say to prioritize future you, and strive to the past you that future you will thank for getting them where they are.