aaah thanks again, im glad the feeling i was going for got across, and ty for what u said abt my style!!
also with being open about being desperate being valuable, i think like while i was posting this i felt a little bad about it not rly being a manifesto in a looking forward sense but like idk trying to walk through how i felt now. but looking back on it after it being posted for a couple days i am starting to be ok with it because i think trying to pinpoint these feelings has been helpful to me and seems to have resonated with some ppl which is rly neat