Excellent VN! It has a lot of potential and was an insanely good read. The only problem I see is the various amount of grammatical and punctuation mistakes. Various. I'd gladly help you fix all of them, but you probably wouldn't feel comfortable with a stranger doing that XD. If you're okay with that, just let me know! Keep on fighting the good fight!
Great! It'll take a day or two because I'll write them all down and suggestions on how to fix them. I'll write them down on Word or Notes because there's quite a few of them. I don't mean offense, but I am guessing English isn't your first language? How would you like me to send it when I am done? That's my only concern.