It would be nice to do a full review when you finish all the content because right now I have to guess where you are at and maybe you are judging the game based on the first few hours of gameplay when that at dialogue level will change (I'll explain it here).
Let's start from the beginning:
If we get really technical, English is my third language. My mother tongue is Spanish, my second main language is Catalan (I'm from Catalonia, Spain) and finally English is the third language I speak. My level of English is basic at a spoken level (I haven't spoken English for more than 10 years) and at a writing level, I have been helped a lot by DeepL. Obviously, I revise what I write and I don't do a literal translation without revising anything, but I'm not a native speaker and I'm not even close to it.
I appreciate that you decided to make your comment in a polite way and not the opposite way. Reading about hiring a proofreader reminded me of a comment some guy made about the first versions which were really unpleasant and his final conclusion was literally: "Don't expect native English speakers to be considerate of your writing because you are not a native speaker, hire a proofreader to do it for you or stop writing". Does anyone know what a proofreader charges? Not every dev can afford to have a professional proofreader on retainer to check everything in detail.
There's a plot twist to this: I have two proofs helping me who are native speakers... I currently have three:
One who for personal reasons can't help me and two UK natives. One of them was an English teacher.
But there comes a problem: Due to what my patrons have been asking me, the extensive proofreading of the writing has been put on the back burner until soon.
You can notice a change from the moment you meet Mara. The level of writing changes as the proofs check (a quick glance) each new version comes after the beta. Not only that, but my writing experience improves in each new version.
I'm a programmer (I've been in IT all my life) and I have zero experience as a writer and know nothing about professional writing, etc. It's not my 100% intention either, I'm not writing a novel like Game of Thrones but it doesn't mean I'm not striving to do better and better over time.
You mention the topic of writing a profile for each girl. That existed at the beginning, now I do it all in an improvised but fluid way as I feel what personality fits better with the character I'm designing. The result of this, in the end, is good with the new characters but it can be clumsy with the existing ones because the personalities have evolved.
Before I mention the old dialogue, I'm surprised you said that about the girls' personalities:
Anna is clearly a Tsundere at the beginning and she becomes a Yandere in an accelerated way from her lvl 4 onwards.
Mara is a royal girl but she's a lust vampire too, so there's a good mix of being dominant (alpha), polite and naughty, although her naughty side is more prominent in the end.
Yuna is the one who comes across as the friendliest and most approachable despite her past.
Maria is Maria, there is not much to say as she herself decides when to express her feelings while she is "Maria the Pervert".
Tali is the most neutral along with Alina, although they stand out from each other with their own story.
Myra is exactly a derivation of a Sadodere (now I don't remember the exact name but she is like Nagatoro but without being a Sadodere).
Lisapi is Lisapi and she is one of the most loved ones even without knowing her personally and I'm very happy because thanks to that Ls'A will exist.
From my point of view, they all have their own personality and each one stands out in her own way and it is reflected in the dialogues, especially the non-sexual ones. Although all this will depend on the critical eye of each person. I will never compare other games with LA because I don't like comparisons because every game has its own peculiarity but I have played other games that their characters/dialogues also leave a lot to be desired or are average (to sum it up in a nutshell) and they are earning a lot of money with a lot of people supporting them, huh.
Keep in mind that I do everything and I have to dedicate a lot of time and effort to all aspects of the game in order to improve over time as I add more content. If I only had to program or design, LA wouldn't exist because I want everything to be my own thing.
This brings me to the next point: rewriting old stuff. The intro has been cut up to three times, the first meeting with Aynia before was twice as long with redundant dialogues as well as when you meet Maria. All this (intro + first quests) is going to be rewritten and revised in v0.9 because I think it's about time to dedicate a full version to it. It's going to change even a lot of renders, dialogues, how to introduce choosing profession, your name, a bit more interaction with Patricia, etc. Always without affecting the main plot.
Because of this, something that has been planned since 0.4 or so, the proofs that help me haven't revised anything old extensively. It's not the best choice perhaps but if I'm going to rewrite 90% of the dialogue, it would be time wasted. These are decisions I have had to make to prioritize other things demanded by the patrons who, in the end, pay my salary every month.
I'm looking forward to getting to that point because I think it will mark a before and after in terms of the intro + first quests. The problem is that I'm working on a version that seems endless and I've been sleeping only three hours a day since I started (a month ago).
As for words that are repeated a lot, it will change a bit but not too much, it's done on purpose (like the bad penis jokes) but it's done in an inadequate or clumsy way. Keep in mind that as I mentioned before, you may notice a learning curve in this aspect. Writing is what I was most afraid to do in LA and is one of the reasons why almost LA was not going to exist. But I decided to take a chance and here we are. Although I wrote all the first dialogues with all the hopes and dreams and a lot of love, if I review them in-depth, I myself admit that they need to be rewritten almost 100%. I guess it's a process you go through as you gain experience.
You also mention having someone write the sentences for me and that's never going to happen. I'd rather stop developing the game and do something else than have someone write for me. Another thing is what my proofs do: Take my sentence and transform it into correct English and rewrite the sentence so that what I want to convey is 100% understood. I have no complaints about someone rewriting sentences, but someone writing dialogue based on my ideas? No thanks, I'd rather keep trying to improve my writing.
You say that the MC is Tsundere (or so I understand) and it's totally false. Obviously, this can be interpreted as such because of the MC's passivity and for seeing him rejecting the girls and especially Maria (always in a humorous way). It makes me think again that you haven't even met Tali yet because just after meeting the "twins" the MC's attitude has already changed a lot. At no point, he is Tsundere or something similar. The MC is a normal guy with a normal life who finds himself in a surreal situation and doesn't know how to react in many situations (a classic). He's also very much reflecting that he's 21 and not 35 years old. I try to make him have a "normal" attitude in a hentai world with the intention that anyone can identify minimally with him and better immerse themselves in the story. Because of these aspects, some people have called the MC sjw/wk when there is no modern political stuff here and everyone behaves according to the time (fuck, the MC is the Aspiring Champion, something as responsible and important as being King in a medieval world, but welp).
If I had to sum up the MC: A 21-year-old guy with a normal attitude who finds himself in a situation where a place inhabited only by women gives him the opportunity to become someone very important. Not only that but he is the "chosen one" (this is 50% true but there is still a lot of story to discover). So in this situation and seeing how magically all the girls go crazy for him (hentai logic), he doesn't know how to react: He starts behaving like the typical "funny guy" that you would find in a party trying to flirt, to being a pervert, to being serious and polite and a weird mix of everything at the same time. Then he evolves in a subtle way to something more serious where he's understanding the situation and behaving more appropriately. And so he will continue his line without leaving aside the humour as it is the main theme of the game. It should be noted that the MC is going to be cautious or passive with the girls because of their past and especially because of Yuna. Although it's more of a secondary or normal thing, you live with exiles or girls who have a fucked up past. So you can't be a fuckboi in Gold Valley, and it won't happen. There will be exceptions, obviously, but I take the line that everything is based on the girls' past and you are there to help them, you are the future Champion of Gold Valley and you have to prove that you are worthy of it (and that's why some people called him simp, some people mix a lot of concepts, but welp, again).
In that same paragraph, you mention the MC's outfits, something that won't happen either. The game is heavy enough and I don't want to imagine if I have to make a scene for every outfit someone has. These are ideas that are discarded even before the MC exists. Something that I have not said anywhere but the MC was going to wear a cloak and depending on his rank he could wear a different one and you could exchange it, but as there are repeatable events since this isn't a VN as such, the result is madness so it's all discarded. BUT... That's what Lisapi exists for, so she can wear outfits for you when you specialise in your profession, for example. Besides, I want the MC to be seen only when it is necessary and if at some point he has to change his outfit, it will be for that specific moment. My intention is that you look at the girls, not the MC. Clear examples are when you often see the MC but the shot is focused on the asses of the girls in the style of Mona in GI. So unfortunately it's something ruled out from the first minute. This will happen to a greater or lesser extent in L'sA as an important factor of the game will be the outfits, but this is not the right post to talk about it.
Last but not least (I hope I didn't leave anything out), you mention the UI... Oh, boi... You should have played the v0.2. The interface is super simple and intuitive despite having quite a few icons. I've played games with fewer icons and been more tedious than mine. Without going any further, I find New World's interface much more tedious to give an example. Obviously, this is more of a personal point of view but in terms of accessibility, it is as accessible as it gets.
I have to say that if you were on Discord, you could see in my spoiler channel that for v0.8 there are more interface changes as over time I've been finding the final interface for LA and I'm applying all the changes little by little. Now the ugliest thing is the section of your stats and jobs, but the jobs will disappear in the next version, the specialization has a better interface and I introduce the perks which is a completely new interface. I've also changed or retextured 99% of the icons thanks to new assets I've acquired. The interface is what I dedicate more time and love to because even though I'm not an artist I'm able to design things from scratch that I really like the results and I would like to give you a visual example if you allow me. Sorry for the Spanglish but it's in the alpha phase and it doesn't have all the translations applied and that includes that the calendar shouldn't have that colour or bad alignments in general:
The background is an animation, all the girls have animations when you choose your favourite. I spent a whole day rendering and it includes unique animations and the preview of the girls when they go to use the toys you give them.
I appreciate your comment and I'm sure I've left out things I'd like to say but I think I've already written too much for the moment.
I always ask the same thing when someone has mentioned the subject of writing: Patience. I know that my writing is not perfect, I know that especially at the beginning there are very awkward or weird dialogues so to speak. This is the most complicated part for me even if the dialogues come out naturally and fluently. If my main language was English there wouldn't be these problems because for example in Spanish as it is obvious, there is no place to think that the sentences leave much to be desired or look clumsy because it is totally well expressed but... if you switch it to English is when things start to get complicated. Anyway, as I said, I try to put the same effort into everything I do and give 110% of myself even if that means sleeping 3 hours a day and working more than 12 hours a day. My intention is not to stop dedicating myself to this full-time and professionally, so I try as hard as I can.
Thanks again for your comment.