I'm not very good at writing but the grammar and typos took me out of the mood your story was trying to tell quite often. Vinny becomes Victor at some point - the name in the text doesn't match the character's name and it became slightly confusing. Maybe it's just a nickname?
Otherwise there is a lot of passion in this project which is wonderful. There is some very nice atmosphere besides graphics to be explored and the music was great to experience together in your Game Jam.