I think you have a real good game with so much potential. I look forward to where you are going with this. I do have some comments that you may consider:
1. Game note: when Tammy and the main character are on the bench for their date, they talk about dick sucking and pussy fingering, yet I made it a point on a second go-around to choose not to engage, and yet the characters still say this. Either don't make the sex scenes optional, or you will have to fix the date on the bench dialogue.
2. Rather than SAYING "Ends story w/Ms. Welsh," consider programming into the story that she becomes cold, and thus get the point across through the story action and not mere words.
3a. The Suzy--Tammy storyline is so well done-better than all the others, though nothing against the others. I think you injected a nice amount of intimacy into the story and anticipation. And this leads me to a separate yet related point:
3b. I like the way you keep some of the characters a bit innocent - at least until things really change. This gives a unique voice to your characters. You don't want them all to sound the same, and I am not saying they do, but some have a similar tone. It is this with any kind of storytelling - you want the voice to be unique for each character. You did a good job of this for the most part. Going forward, don't be afraid to really maintain a bit of innocence or reticence on part of some characters (while others are downright sex-hungry). Hell, if you never got us to Suzy and the main character actually having great sex, but just a whole lot more teasing, you would not have hurt your storyline or success - it would keep your fans crazy on the edge.
Hope these are of some value. I think your product is great, and you should be proud.
-Sid