An interesting concept. So far there seems to only be one real path to go down that actually leads anywhere. If this were finished, even the dead end paths that are finished (such as where the player decides not to go inside) end a bit abruptly; it'd be cool to see some sort of repercussion for not going through with the story. A unifying color scheme and maybe a couple pictures would be really cool, I can imagine the store being dark, and the fish tanks all glowy. I agree with the below comment about breaking up the walls of text, so much at once is a bit daunting and can be discouraging, or cause people to rush through the text.