Pleasing to look at, good prose, good atmosphere.
Too vague at a high level though.
1) As a player, I need to have an concrete objective or feeling of what my character would want to do, very soon into playing
2) I wouldn't say the loop didn't fit or came out of nowhere - but it's so light on context that I'm not sure what the point is - I enjoyed theorising I'm a ghost - but if so I'd like it to be clear that I have unfinished business... or whatever is appropriate for your own interpretation :)