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I would like to ask you guys your opinion on a story I wrote.

it's called Imaginary play mate. Tell me if you think I can get it on 'Are You Scared?'

Imaginary Playmate

 

 

We’ve all had imaginary friends before, right? Well, what if your imaginary friend only came out to play. Then they’d leave after you stop. An imaginary play mate is no big deal. But what if your imaginary play mate isn’t so imaginary as you thought.

 

I was cleaning up to move out. I’m finally going to college. I was ecstatic and could barely contain myself. It’s not everyday you get into Harvard. While cleaning up I found an old rusted doll with two black holes for eyes, dark brown messy hair, pale skin and a ripped pink dress from around 1912. I went and asked my mom about it. She replied “that was the doll you made for your old imaginary friend. She wasn’t much of a friend really. She was only interested in playing games with you. Her favorite was hide and seek.” I shrugged it off and threw the doll away I didn’t think much of it.

 

It’s morning and the sun is bright and shining. I’m moving to my dormitory and I’ve been smiling from ear to ear ever since I woke up. Though I did get the strangest dream that night. I dreamt of me when I moved in to the dorm unpacking. I opened the box labelled important and on top of all the stuff there was that stupid doll. It creeped me out but I didn’t want to stress about a simple dream. So, I made it to my dorm and started to unpack. I was alone since my roommate was going to be running late cause of a dentist appointment. I didn’t mind and started unpacking. I started with the box labelled important as they were all my valuables. No doll on top. No problem. That’s when I saw something move in the corner of my eyes. I glanced at the bedside table… shit. That stupid doll was there.

 

I couldn’t sleep that night. All I could think about was the doll. Once morning had come, as soon as I closed my eyes, I fell asleep. I had another dream that day. A little girl that looks just like the doll was watching over me as I sleep. She whispered into my ear “why did you throw me out? We used to have the best play dates. You don’t hate me now do you? Let’s play hide and seek. I’ll seek… you hide.” I woke up in a sweat and gathered myself. The doll was gone from the bedside table… I had to hide. I threw myself the first place I could think of, the closet.

 

I don’t know how long it’s been. But I have to keep hiding. I don’t what this doll... creature is capable of. I slept in the closet too. Once I had woken up, I thought it was safe so I stepped out. Then came the dreadful sound of a little girl saying “Ready or Not Here I Come” the doll was right in front of the closet. I fell to the floor. My back started bleeding as if someone had stabbed me. I closed my eyes. One day I had woken up. I could see everything but it was… larger. I realized now… I’m IT.


(you understand what's going on right?)

I mean, it was pretty nice, but you should add something else instead of 'hide and seek', you know? If i was you, i would change the game to something else AND try to make it creepy that way! For example, i would make the MC's Creepy doll play jump-rope with it. It would be like this: there would be spikes moving towards you, and you would have to play jumprope to avoid it. But the spikes would move faster and faster each time you avoid one, and you would slowly have your feet impaled and die of blood loss, and then the doll would posses your body and that way you would be 'it'! But still, i think this was a nice story, it just need to be a teeny bit more polished!

my idea was there are children out there who were murdered then someone made a doll of them and they would posess it. The child plays with another child who has said doll and must win them in a game say hide and seek. Once they are caught they die and their death is left a mystery and they turn to a doll as well making the "it" and they need to win another child in a game to escape the doll and possess the childs body giving them the ability to live a normal life. I also have a bunch of other stuff which wasn't needed in the story but it's something. Anyway this little girl died as well in hide and seek with a doll back in 1912 and this girl who dies in the story was the person who has the doll of her meaning she's trying to win a game. At the end the 18 year old we follow the story of is dead and has gone into doll form. The cycle continues and such. I really think the only problem is I need to make it more eerie. But now I realise I need to make my point clearer as well judging by the fact that you did not get what was happening.

oh i see! Im really sorry if i sounded like i was looking down on the story, i thought it was really nice!

Oh no it's fine. Now that I explained does the ending make more sense?

yeah, it really does!

yeah.