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(1 edit) (+1)

Hello!

I'm really glad you enjoyed the story and setting. Thank you so much for all the feedback! I will look into all the grammar issues and typos as soon as I can. I will get into MC's age and the ROs in a moment, because you're right, it is an important point. But first, about the setting and technology: the technology is mostly inspired by our world's late 19th-century technology, but it is definitely influenced by magic as well. The prosthetics, for example, are enchanted, they use magic to function. And swords are present but not necessarily the main weapons, there are guns as well, but they're not always reliable. Hopefully, all of this will get clearer as we explore the world.
I will probably reformulate the first sentence of the story. When I wrote it, I wanted to make the first chapter a prologue set in the past and then going to a 'present day' in the next chapter. But things have changed since then, so I'll eventually remove the 'I remember' part.

Now for the age issue: I'm very aware of how MC being 16 at the beginning of the story can be worrisome, when it comes to romance. I gave all the ROs' ages on my tumblr blog, but I realize that maybe not everyone will see it so I'll edit the page here to add them. At the very beginning of the story, Ajmal is 19, Zanetta is 21, Felice is 18, Armine is 16 and Berhane is 20. Which means that yes, at this point, beside Armine, all the ROs are adults (even if young ones). And this is why no relationship will start before MC is at the very least 18. There can be some feelings on MC's part and on some of the ROs part (like Ajmal who grew up with MC, Armine and Felice), but none of them will act on them until everyone is an adult.

Maybe the title doesn't make this clear enough, in which case I will specify this, but the story will happen over the course of 8 years and I never planned to have anything, relationship-wise, happen before much later in the game. They will take time to build up. Zanetta, being the oldest RO, will not even consider MC romantically before much later. Her romance will likely develop a lot slower than everyone else's. As for Berhane, we won't meet him in-game until much later and MC will be at least 18 by then.

That being said, there are some romance elements in the game already, notably with Ajmal. I tried to keep those moments age-appropriate and I hope I achieved that. If not, please let me know so I can figure out how to tone them down. Hopefully, Ajmal's reservations are obvious. You can flirt with Zanetta somewhat, but she will (gently) push MC away.

As for MC's age, I would definitely have made them older right from the beginning of the story if it was not, in fact, plot-relevant. The MC needed to be young enough to not be considered able to rule Ahabalad and be in need of a Regent to rule in their stead. That being said, I'm open to the idea to make the age to be eligible to rule a bit older, but that might require some heavy rework on the story that might have to wait on the second draft unless it feels like it needs to be changed earlier.

Lastly, I want to precise that there won't be any explicit sex scenes in this game. Sex might be talked about, but like for the relationships, not until much much later in the game, when everyone involved is an adult.

I'm really sorry if the story made you uncomfortable, I really want to avoid that by any means. If there are specific passages in the game that you felt were inappropriate, I'd like to know so I can improve on them.

I hope that clears things up! Thank you for taking the time to write all this feedback!

EDIT: After some thinking, I've decided to go ahead and change MC's starting age to 18. (A few of the ROs will be 1 or 2 years older as well, to fit MC's age and the new timeline better.) It's better that I make the change sooner rather than later, as it would be a lot more work if I wait. I hope this will make things a bit more comfortable for you and other readers! (And it honestly will feel better for me as well and some things in the story will actually make more sense I think.)

I will start working on editing the story to fit that decision and the changes will take effect in the next update.

I definitely did not realize the slow-burn pace you were going for in regards to relationships, just because of how quickly players are given the option to actively flirt. Most of the response I would have given is now void given your decision about the ages, but I will say that I'm sorry my comment presumably had to be what pushed you to make a decision that is now giving you more editing work! I know the pain. Nevertheless, I'm definitely in favor of the change.

In regards to your question about specific scenes, I think Zanetta's flirtatious teasing currently comes off as slightly over the line in the scene where the MC can ask her about her family. As a 20-year-old, I know I wouldn't ever assume a high-school-aged kid was trying to come on to me, nor would I (even jokingly) engage in teasing one flirtatiously. In my opinion, this is essentially absolved by changing the MC's age to 18, but I figured I would mention it specifically just in case you still wanted to know. It's definitely not egregious, but I for sure had the thought of, "Excuse me, ma'am? This is a high-school-aged child!" 

I didn't see any other red flags in my speedrunning all the romance scenes, though! Ajmal's freaking out when confronted by a perhaps overly-forward MC feels very realistic and reasonable given his...rather complicated situation, and I think that attitude could easily carry over to an 18-year-old MC. After all, they're still a ruler (and probably somewhat intimidating as a result) as well as a slightly-younger childhood friend, which in itself presents all kinds of delightful possibilities for emotional turmoil.

But, overall, I'm really glad my comments didn't come off the wrong way. I'm looking forward to the update, and I wish you good luck with writing and editing!! I'm really loving the story so far, and while I don't go on the interactive-fiction side of tumblr much, just to avoid all the behind-the-scenes character spoilers, I gave your page a follow and I'm excited to be along for the ride. :)

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Don’t be sorry for being the one that initiated the thought process that led me to take that decision! Even if it’s more work, I think it’s for the best and will make everyone, me included, more comfortable. I really appreciate how nicely you brought up the subject too. Thank you so much for that!

Gonna throw this out there re: the age gap. It's totally possible for two people to be involved with each other while both are under the age of 18 and then have one cross the threshold. My "high school sweetheart" and I had a three-year age gap but we started dating when I was 14 and he was 17. By the time we broke up, I was 16 and he was 19 (and still just graduated high school b/c he started school late), so - to me, at least - the 16, 19 age-gap isn't inherently "gross." 

Just figured I'd offer a different perspective based on my actual life lol.

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Thanks for your input! I’ve asked different people their opinions on this and they vary of course. I think the age gap between MC and Zanetta is the one that can cause most issues. In any case, I prefer aging MC up a bit, it’s an easy solution to make everyone more comfortable.