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I went ahead and made the script changes based on your suggestions and it only took me 20 minutes.  I believe these small changes will help the flow of text in the places that you pointed out and hopefully contribute to a more immersive experience overall.  I get too stuck in my own head when I creating this stuff so I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts.  I'm doing this to connect with others through my characters and stories so even if my replies can be slow at times, I am always super appreciative of anyone who gives me a bit of their time.  There's lots to do on the internet, so that you chose to spend some time here means a lot to me *^_^*