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dryer than my mom's crossaunt

dryer than a pack of saltines

dryer than my humor

dryer than my life.

ummmm...I'm really sorry but is your username a John Mulaney reference? Because-because if so...that's amazing...

monkey monkey monkey man... no but thanks for making me realise why my name sounded so familiar. You cured my Deja Vu.

haha!

ha! I should never become a stand up comedian. My jokes suck. I mean have you heard the "I'm gonna 'sew' you" joke... it's so cringy. It's a play on words but it sucks... like why? I just made up another sucky joke about the same thing. 

Y/N: hey your company did *mumble mumble* I declare you fix this or shut down your company!

Me: *didn't listen* I'm not shutting down my company! If you want me shut it down SO SUE ME!

Y/N: ... well ok.

Me: and that's exactly what they did. They sued me.

oh god. Someone please make me stop. I can't make jokes unless it's sarcasm.

ope. I have some extremely self deprecating jokes! 

I say those a lot but forgot most of them cause I hate thinking about how I have selective mutism, GAD, escapism and depression-

dryer a noobs bank account

dryer than my... dryer-

wow . . it seems you have beat me to the dryest thing in all the universe

you are the true dry master u-u