Got the Silver Forest and Battle Academy wrapped up.
SILVER FOREST
#30: An inconsistency - Trixie had skills during the intro, but she apparently forgot them. Aside from that, giving the player a starter set of skills would be useful for initial gameplay. The skill upgrade system can be used to expand upon the basic abilities. The player should be thinking "I like X, but it could use a bit more Z. Upgrade Y should be worth it!"
#31: The flame wisp feels like an unnatural obstacle from a narrative and gameplay standpoint. If a random flame does nothing aggressive, there is no reason for Trixie to not walk around it. Starting the encounter with Maverick when Trixie enters the map would feel more natural.
#32: When a saved game is loaded, enemies respawn. This can be problematic if the player is in a weakened state when they made their save. Further, whether enemies respawn during excursions in dangerous territory would impact how the game is balanced. Issues with puzzles may also arise.
#33: (Nymph scene): "Hugg...Please, use me..." Not certain about "Hugg". Either she calling out for a spirit called Hugh, or she is simply groaning in pleasure. In the latter case, the sentence should be "Ugh...please, use me...".
#34: (Nymph scene): "Ownn...I missed you so much..." Ownn -> Oh
#35: (Nymph scene): "I love when you touch me like that." It would flow more naturally as "I love it when you touch me like that."
#36: (Nymph scene): "...I look like some hypnotized creep man" Changing it to "I look like some hypnotized creep.", would be more natural.
#37: (Nymph scene): "Ownn, please tell me how much you want me..." Ownn -> Oh
#38: (Galadriel): If you agree to leave, she says "Guess you're as rude as I thought you were." This seems odd, since Trixie is doing as Galadriel asked. Unless Galadriel is intended to be a jerk, it should be "Guess you're not as rude as I thought you were."
#39: Nymph: Regarding the Nymph scene, I am not sure the timing of it is natural. Most h-games have the main character slowly develop into perversion, or are demonstrated early on to have a licentious character. If Trixie is a pervert from the beginning, a scene with her husband and being lurid in town would help. For example, her first night at the inn she could play with herself, loudly.
#40: (Quest Log - Bitter Vengeance): Just noticed a few mistakes. "The blacksmith at the Adventurer's Guild wants10 Orc Pelts to find his own peace of mind andsstart working again." The problems are "wants10", also "andsstart".
#41: When enemies spawn, they can end up on terrain the player can't enter. For example, bats on tree tops. Mind, allowing specific enemies to navigate certain terrain might be useful for dungeon design.
/SILVER FOREST
BATTLE ACADEMY
#42: (Trix): "Ohh...how could I forget?" Ohh - Oh
#43: (Emily): "Yayy This will be so fun! S2" The "S2" should be removed.
#44: (Emily): "Ohh It's late already." -> "Oh, it's late already."
#45: (Kayle): "warriors, assassins, mages..." I recommend changing "assassins" to "rogues". The latter is more generalized, as an assassin exists to kill specific people.
#46: (Kayle): "Ohh, sorry." -> "Oh, sorry."
#47: (Girl in love): Not sure if an mistake, but she is blocking access to the girl beyond her.
#48: (Lady): "It is wonderful to see so many children happy!" I am guessing the students are too old to be considered children anymore. "...so many happy students!" may fit better.
#49: The teacher rooms are blocked by people. I am guessing the teachers aren't valuable enough to have dedicated guards. Locked doors would be more realistic.
#50: (Ursula): "Hunh, you could have been so much more." Hunf -> Hmph
#51: (Ursula): There is no context for why Trixie left without talking to Ursula. The player isn't making an informed decision on whether to apologize or defend.
#52: (Ursula): "like being a broken mercenary," I am guessing that the intent is "broke mercenary", as in being poor. If the wording of "broken mercenary" is deliberate, then that means Trixie had something bad happen to her.
#53: (Quest Log - Evil Tower) "...information aboutthe situation..." aboutthe -> about the
#54: (Quest Log - Crimson Flower) "A teacher from the Battle Academy0] promised Trixie agood reward if she kills the Crimson Flower thathides in the Black Bog." Academy0] -> Academy, Trixie agood reward -> Trixie a good reward, Flower thathides -> Flower that hides.
The sentence is bit of a run-on. I recommend a shortened version. "A teacher promised a reward if Trixie kills a Crimson Flower in the Black Bog."
/BATTLE ACADEMY