Hello. There have been some cruel and malicious rumors being spread about me online lately. I would like to clear up these vile rumors now, if you please...
I am NOT exactly three racoons in a trench coat. This rumor is absolutely outrageous and will not fly. If I were three racoons trying to pose as a human, I would require some sort of elaborate flesh suit in order to trick everyone, and obviously three racoons are not capable of making one of those. Also, racoons don't speak english, and I clearly do. Obviously, racoons are not smart enough to learn english from hearing it around them, their brains are itty-bitty. Furthermore, if I was three racoons, why would I even leave my dumpster home? Definitely not because I heard the humans talking about donuts and decided I wanted to try them...
In conclusion, these rumors are baseless and untrue. Now please excuse me while I go root around in the garbage.