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I am a idiot. I have to download the Linux and Mac Build supports. Let me know if they work.

THAT would explain why I keep seeing an all-OS zip file which only contains a .exe.

Hmm... now it runs at least (much improved over previously - thank you!), though input doesn't seem to be working. Odd.

Have you tried to edit the input settings in the unity popup window before the actual game runs?