Skip to main content

Indie game storeFree gamesFun gamesHorror games
Game developmentAssetsComics
SalesBundles
Jobs
TagsGame Engines
(32 edits) (+3)

Hello! I'm Nyaruko.
I'm here to provide some insight in terms of the game's title and other things that I think would be worth pointing out.
I hope that my advice will be useful in some way!

So, about the title...
I assume that the English title is supposed to be ”Psycho/Psychotic Stalker”, which in that case, the title should be Saiko no Sutookaa, because if you want to say Stalker in Japanese in Katakana, you prolong the ”o” and the ”a” to emphasize ”al” and ”er”. Sutoka does not mean anything.
The title in Japanese should look like this: ”サイコのストーカー”

Since seeing the title in romaji is a bit strange, I would recommend changing the title to ”サイコのストーカー”, and making the English title ”Psycho/Psychotic Stalker”, so that it both looks and sounds good when you see the name of the game in YouTube video titles and the sort, assuming that the majority of YouTube videos will be using the English title.



About the game's intro, the Japanese dialogue and voice acting itself could definitely use some work.
The dialogue from the stalker at the start is very barebones, and should be rewritten by someone that has a better understanding of the language. The dialogue has been written by someone that is lacking experience in Japanese, which is why many of the lines lack depth, and sound rather strange.
You are often repeating 「Anata ga」 and 「Watashi」 in your lines, which not only doesn't make the character sound natural at all, but it's lacking the intimidating nature that a stalker should have, using crude words to address somebody else.


The dialogue also drags on for way too long than it should, and it just leaves you rather bored listening to her constantly talking with barely any flow, which leaves you asking ”When will I get to play?”, rather than actually listening to what she's saying.

In terms of the voice actor, it's obvious that the voice lines have been recorded by someone that isn't and/or don't know Japanese.
The pronunciation isn't all that good most of the time, and the delivery in some of the lines could be much better.


I understand that you want to make the stalker creepy by making her talk in a soft and caring, yet intimidating voice, but it doesn't work when the stalker is talking this way the entire time and doesn't change pitch, build up or emphasize her lines just to show how much of a psycho she really is, which makes her very boring to listen to.



So to sum everything up...
-Change the title, which I heavily recommend
-Rewrite the dialogue, get a writer that understands how to properly express a character, since well written dialogue is very important in a horror game
-Make the voice acting better

I apologize if I sounded a bit blunt, but I very much hope that my advice helps.
I want you to know that I am writing this criticism for good intentions, and I want to see this game improve the more time and effort you put into it.

Good luck on developing this game, and thank you very much for reading!

(+6)

I'm not the creator, but as an English speaker, I can tell you that "Psycho Stalker" would be a much worse title for the game. Its bland, generic,and doesn't describe the game beyond having a psychotic stalker which a lot of horror games have.  Saiko no Sutoka says this for people who get the pronunciation, but also says that the game has a Japanese influence of some sort. Also, you're not going to find anything else called Saiko no Sutoka or anything described as Saiko no Sutoka. Even if a player doesn't have rudimentary Japanese knowledge to know Saiko no Sutoka is romaji for Psycho Stalker, they'll at least note this game has a unique name. 


I more or less agree with everything else you said, but they don't really bug me enough to feel the game needs those changes. Personally, I felt like the intro was on the long side.

(+1)

Thanks for your detailed feedback i highly appreciate what you just said. we would definitely going to improve the intro scene alot more and the voice lines.  as for the title name that might not be able to change now as its affixed to the game. but really appreciate all the detailed information you provided and i agree to all of them!

(4 edits) (+2)

Thank you very much! I'm very sorry if I made any mistakes in my English, I am still studying.

I just wanted to mention that Sutoka is the wrong way to type Stalker in Katakana, and should be written like Sutookaa, but it isn't that big of an issue.

I'm very happy that you read and understood what I said! I was scared that I was too blunt with my criticism, and that I didn't express myself properly.


Thank you very much for reading, and good luck on the game! I'm sure it's going to get far.