This is really helpful, thank you a lot for that! There's a lot I have to remember about when writing, and being a beginner I sometimes I forget about even the basic stuff and revert to overly simplistic style. You're definitely right, I tend to tell instead of showing and I have to remind myself more often to avoid that. I hope that I will have enough time to go through the beginning of the vn to correct that and possibly rewrite some parts for the December update (it will be a pretty important one!)
-Keo