Definitely agree with the earlier comments all around; this is a very promising start and I'm looking forward to seeing the rest. One thought on the passage where you see the results of the maintenance: if the line "I can feel me and Lillya growing apart..." is meant to be Valria's thoughts, maybe italicize it; that's often used as shorthand for a character's thoughts.
Have you thought about submitting this (or the full version, if you have it done in time) to Yuri Game Jam 2020? It's got another month left, so you might not be able to finish the full game in time, from what you said below, but you could definitely submit this demo, or an extended version of the demo.