I really appreciated a lot about this, especially the awesome fat protagonist! The long pages were a little intimidating, especially the first one which has so many links to descriptive passages. It took me a long time to get through that page and I got a little restless. Some Twine games break up long pieces of text into many passages, so you only give the reader a small chunk to read at any given time and it's more approachable - that might be effective if you create another game like this.
There were also a few places where it seems like you were prepared to offer a choice but (I assume) didn't have a chance to implement it - like the invisibility spell. I'd really love to play a game with your writing style and characters like these where I could make more choices and explore more, even if that means the overall story has to be smaller.
Overall nice job though! I love that cover art, I can see why you wanted to build a game around it.