Feedback and potential improvements:
1. Why does it seem like the MC already knows so much about "the realm"? And why aren't the other characters surprised that the MC knows this—as if it were normal? There should be a visible reaction of shock or confusion from the MC, perhaps connecting this new information to the nightmares he frequently had.
2. The MC suddenly displays possessiveness toward the heroine out of nowhere.
There really ought to be a prior connection—some existing affection or respect or responsibility.
Without that, it feels strange.
Take the MC's interactions with Tiffany, for example:
- Tiffany prevents the MC from getting overwhelmed by trivial details from other members at his first academy gathering.
- Tiffany waits two hours for the MC to regain consciousness in the pouring rain.
These moments are perfect opportunities to insert the MC's feelings of affection or respect through internal monologue—thoughts like, "She really looked out for me before; I'm going to protect her!" Alternatively, the MC might hold a principle of selflessly protecting others (though, as the story stands, the MC doesn't seem to possess such a trait yet). Without including these elements, the MC appears indifferent, creating a contradiction with his actual actions.
3. There is a lack of small talk or casual pleasantries in the first-half, making characters interactions feel like mind-reading. Slow down the pacing of conversations; characters should have distinct reactions when approached or spoken to—whether it's tension, awkwardness, nonchalance, masked response or sort of. Right now, the characters' emotions aren't fully coming through in the dialogue.
If these areas are improved, I am certain this game could become a masterpiece rivals Eternum or even better!
Don't let this go to waste... it looks incredibly promising!.
The immersive is there, graphic and sounds, I can feel it, GREAT game Dev! rooting for your success for this game. can't wait for next chapter already!