ohh the story is quite intriguing, a lot of possible depth for the worldbuilding and characters that i hope will later be dwelled upon! i'm especially drawn to the universe you're creating here, with the Shadow and the eternal night :] ! the art, too, is extremely lovely <3 lots of nice little details. i do have some feedback though, if you'd be open to hearing it.
1. the animations
i've never seen a vn implement fluid movement for character sprites like this before! definitely something new and a great idea, but in terms of execution... the animations can come off as a little... wonky? i've seen someone in the comments mention it too. some movements come off as too 'unnatural' or 'dramatic', especially with the rapid mouth movement for characters like Emphys. i initially thought it might have been because AI was used too, since that is how ‘AI animates things’. if i could offer a piece of advice, it might be to tone or slow down the animations to the characters sprites, so the movement feels more natural. especially for characters like King Aurelian or Sir Larkan, id omit the lipsyncing, since they wear masks.
2. some grammar errors + awkward phasing
i studied Russian for a while, so i understand that the translation from Russian to English can get a bit awkward! if i may, id recommend you find a native speaker to help you with that, so what you were trying to say in the Russian version passes over more smoothly to English. some things of note is that, in the English version, the MC refers to themselves as ‘we’ / uses plural form. so, the MC will say something like, “we didn’t mean to intrude, we were just looking around” (taken from an earlier Nail interaction)
another thing is that, when you chose other pronouns other than She/Her (like He/Him or They/Them) they are some instances where the characters still refer to the MC as ‘Her’. this happens when the MC overhears the people talking and plotting about the wedding assassination by the window. just a small note!
i wish you luck finding a beta reader, it might make your work pop off even more. there are a lot of people who are loving your work so far, and im sure there are some will be more than willing to help with smoothing things over :D
3. pacing feels a little fast
coming to the narrative structure of the Demo so far, it comes off as a little too fast paced. i understand that since it’s a DEMO, one might want to ‘put the most interesting bits in’ but it can come off as cramming too much, or not giving proper time to certain scenarios. i note this more on the way MC interacts with the characters and how the LIs already shown an inclination or liking towards the MC, even though reasonably, that shouldn’t be possible, since the MC just arrived today. i think if you’re looking to make this a long work (which seems to be the case) maybe drawing out the interactions and the ‘affections’ the LIs have for the MC would be better, it’d make the relationships feel more natural progressing.
on that note, there is also the case where certain dialogue repeats itself in routes were you didn’t make the choices to get those, or overall. there are some examples, but the one that pops off at the top of my head is when after the feast the MC is in their route and it says “King Aurelian says he has been looking for me for years. Does he really think I can change something? Too many thoughts. Too many questions, too few answers” even though in that route we didn’t speak with him (I chose Nalis lol)
4. The MC’s characterization + too fem-coded (?)
building on the previous point that the demo feels a little too fast paced, the MC too, acts rather ‘bold’ or too forward / trusting with the characters, even though, again, they arrived just that day. in my opinion, it doesn’t make sense for the MC to act too trusting or open with the LIs, since, well, they are in an unfamiliar place and were possibly kidnapped. so i think it’d only be reasonable if the MC’s character was more guarded and cautious (of both the surroundings and the characters)
there is a scenario, when after the feast we wonder around and stumble upon Sir Larkan. the MC asks the knight to take off his helmet so we can see his face, and then compliments him and touches his face. this happens even though we didn’t interact with him earlier in the feast, which makes the MC come off as too forward / coming on too strong, especially with what is logically a stranger, and also since we are going to marry someone else in 3 days. i think the MC being polite but curious would work better here. it’d make their attraction/affection towards Sir Larkan feel more natural.
there is also another instance of the MC’s characterization that can be improved upon. now, i’ll be clear here and say that this is more of my personal opinion and how i feel as a transman, but i think my opinion can still be of value. even though this is game which is meant to be inclusive for other players (otherwise you wouldn’t have included the He/Him or They/Them pronouns options) the MC feels a little fem-coded.
there is certain dialogue, that clue in that the MC is feminine presenting. like when Nail (in the first interaction, when we meet up in the courtyard) says we can come to his dressing room so he can ‘put makeup on us’ so we look even more beautiful, or when he maids say they will help us put on the dress King Aurelian chose for us (there is also the CG where Nail does the ladder spectacle with us and, despite the pronouns we chose, the MC seems to be wearing a dress. now, i won’t comment too hard on this, because i know drawing CGs takes a lot of time. especially with a art style as detailed as yours).
it would be great if the pronouns that we chose showed in the actual dialogue of the story. like, for example, if the player chose He/Him pronouns, instead of the characters describing them as beautiful, they could call them ‘handsome’ or ‘pretty boy’ – just a tiny example. this would make your work more inclusive for the people who are playing it, and it’d overall, enhance the player experience.
i’ve played a lot of VNs, and i always tend to notice the pattern that, even though a lot have inclusive pronouns other than She/Her, the MC’s overall characterization (in the way the MC talks, behaves and overall acts) or the way the characters behave towards MC, points to a female protagonist – usually one that is shy, meek, too passive and anxious.
this is not inclusivity, especially if that was your goal. because wen you turn the MC, which is supposed to be shaped by the player’s choices, into a protagonist that ‘make the narrative flow nice’ it turns the MC into an ‘original character’ or, the worst i’ve seen, into a ‘Wattpad Y/N’ type of MC.
well, that is my feedback. i do not mean to offend; i hope that you take these into consideration so that your work can improve and grow into the best it can be. i wish you all the best with creation of this game, and hope it turns out how you envisioned it :D удачи!