I read a lot of praise for this game and its writing, so I’m dissatisfied when I look inside and find ai-resembling slop was all it held. yeah ur writing (that is, discounting the idea that it IS ai or ai assisted, which I find very likely) is straight ASS. None of the characters stuck out for me, you loved your usage of tell don’t show, and the writing overall pulled me out of the experience the entire time I played. Which was also not very long, because you felt it clever to upload a game with about 15 minutes of gameplay and zero development of anything to itch.io so that you could have a “result” without going through the work of actually making it. If you’re going to upload and forget, then provide a minuscule update after like 7 months then just keep the game to yourself, it hardly even works as a proof of concept yet.
Thanks for taking the time to leave your feedback.
I'm just a bit surprised by some of your conclusions, though.
You describe the project as "upload and forget", but throughout development I regularly posted devlogs explaining the project's status and the reasons for the longer pause...
+ the game has always been marked as a prototype, and I never tried to present it as a finished product.
What surprised me even more is the AI accusation.
During the early development, I streamed every part of the project live on Discord (#LiveStage) almost every day. People could literally watch me write the prologue, create assets in Blender, and painting over the Render (TheDiary-Cover) in Clip Studio Paint in real time...
I eventually stopped doing those streams because I spent more time chatting than actually making progress (Specifically with an certain member, hehe), but the process was completely transparent.
So it's a little surprising to see that, now that I'm no longer streaming every step, the conclusion suddenly becomes "it must be AI."
As for the writing itself: guess that's a matter of taste?
With The Diary, I deliberately chose a much more introspective style inspired more by classical novels than by the pacing of most visual novels. I understand that this approach won't resonate with everyone, and that's perfectly fine.
That said, I do appreciate the parts of your feedback that are specific—such as wanting stronger character development and more content. Those are fair points, and they're things I intend to keep improving as development continues.
Lastly, just a quick note:
The project is entering its previously announced summer break. So if you decide to continue the discussion or add anything else, my reply might not come until August 8th. Thanks for your understanding, and I hope you have a great summer :)
honestly my original review was hyper-critical sorta as a knee jerk reaction to the positive comments vs my personal experience so I’ll try to explain myself more rationally this time, sorry if I was way too rude and somewhat deliberately obtuse.
The reason I claimed your game was “too short” was because i felt after finishing that there was no time for:
a) the “gender swap” part of the game,
b) the characters being fleshed out individually, and
c) the core gameplay loop of the story to kick in (as much as it is I presume a linear game, I moreso am referring to like the point where you’ve been through a few days and understand what you’re doing)
I was being kinda annoying on purpose because I get that it’s something you spent a long time on and wish to get it out, at least as a way of spreading the word for people to pick it up later when it’s more developed. I also didn’t do enough research into the development of the game before just slandering you my bad.
In terms of the writing quality, I think the reason I viewed it as ai was due to the overuse and misuse of —the sacred—em—dash. It seemed like every paragraph had multiple em dashes — even when a different form of punctuation could’ve been used — which also served to break up the story for me.
The character writing might just be not my cup of tea, but I personally didn’t really see any traits in the characters which I could suspend my disbelief for and get myself involved in the story, because it felt like when they spoke I was talking to a robot who was trying to imitate normal speech, e.g.
“Got it! I’m at my laptop screen, school map open. If you show up between the laundry room and biology wing I’ll dispatch a drone. Or more realistically: I’ll send you the GPS coordinates of the snack machine. Solid landmark, I’d say 😉” - Frank
It just reads to me like a thing that nobody would ever say, but again maybe it’s who I surround myself with.
Anyway the story’s undoubtedly better than anything I could cook up, and you really don’t have to consider taking me seriously at all, but this is what I felt while playing.
Also I always get scared writing these long messages because I probably messed up something but I don’t wanna proofread a reply online so ignore any mistakes.
Don't worry.
I appreciate you taking the time to explain your thoughts in more detail ;)
At the end of the day, I know I can't make a story that resonates with everyone. Still, having the context behind your feedback is really helpful. I'll make some notes of the points you mentioned so I can revisit them properly after my summer break.
Thanks again for taking the time to write all of this, and I hope you have a great summer.