All I can say is that some parts could be better adjusted to follow the 'past' and 'present' time, text wise. I suggest, keep it in the 'present' tense everywhere, not talking/thinking narrating in 'past' tense all of a sudden. It isn't that often, but it seems after some 'release' to be the case. For the rest, it is awesome. Slow burn, but a good setup and tremendous build up of characters.