thank you for reading and commenting; i honestly think you were way kinder with your response than i deserve, but that's the "pretend" "depression" for you.
while i can't say i'll never stopping feeling like i'm faking it, i do try to find an element of joy in everything i make as i would rather not make something if i don't fully enjoy it. and if no one but me is going to play/read/experience it, the process might as well be fun.
i am, however, quite happy the bit about the inactivity resonated with you. we're opposites in that because i felt more "productive" around that period, with whatever energy animated me fading the further we get from the initial lockdowns.