I think u did a helluva job and it was a good rant and is just dead on true. women are raised to see each other as competitors for the same piece of meat (guy) and are told from very young that women only exist to give men something nice to look at. women, trans or otherwise, that look or act like men are "ugly, BAD, and vulgar" and my honest aversion to most popular (natively Japanese or Chinese but also western) yuri is that the women aren't allowed to be "manly, thuggish, or ugly," and they aren't allowed to be vicious, dirty, and violent.
the idea that women must be clean, prim, proper, and pretty, putting on lipstick even after killing in some "high class criminal" yuri fantasies makes me really uncomfortable, but not all lesbian art has to be defined by the (sexist) genre constraints of the shoujo girlie origins of mainland asian GL/yuri.
but this restrictive image of women isn't only held by men, but enforced by other women, and everyone of every gender. everyone is complicit in a globally heterosexist patriarchal regime.
(I read BL with my transgender goggles on, treating them like stories about transgender lesbians, which is my weird cope to deal with my discomfort at the way fictional women aren't allowed to be ugly, thuggish, aggressive, vicious, or dirty. if there was more lesbian art that WASN'T about "beautiful women" and in fact had "NO BEAUTIFUL GIRLS," and there was no pressure on them to be "pretty" either, I wouldn't have such an aversion.)
at the end of the day I think there should be more lesbian art that reflects the breadth of womanhood for trans, queer, nonbinary, or just plain ugly, weird, and vicious women instead of defying one standard to reinforce another ("all fictional women must be beautiful, or women loving women is about loving something beautiful, and being a woman is about being beautiful")
I think ppl should use lesbian art to raise the standard of humanity for women, not diminish it. a big part of why my swanchime stuff gets rejected from yuri things is (I'm guessing) probably bc at least one trans lesbian (he/him trans woman zhouyu) has a weird and complex womangender that most people just dismiss him as "a man," instead of "something closer to a butchy les" and I think this sucks that it's the case.
I think you're right and it's a lot to think about.