very relatable set of experiences. it's hard to tell how much you actually enjoy doing something when there's all these other pressures on you while you do it, so i'm still figuring out exactly how i feel about the process. but i had an experience recently where i bought a new instrument and started playing it for fun and found that my enjoyment of playing scales and doing exercises was, for once, greater than my frustration at not being good yet... too early to say but i suspect having a more balanced life makes it easier to separate my feelings about doing the thing from my fears about what it means if i don't