This essay really, really hits. The complete lack of sex and sexual violence in AP is something I think about a lot, and like... I get it, I do. People generally don't like rping sex in depth. Rping on camera is already weird and vulnerable enough without bringing sex into it. There is a play culture that assumes sexual violence is off limits no matter what, so even if you are ok exploring it in play privately, you might not want to do it out in the open. (And god, that fear of playing wrong, of playing something that might not be morally correct, that makes it so hard to press publish on every episode I make).
People have sex! We are adults and we are supposedly making the low budget, scrappy, weird queer art! Why is it so fucking G-rated! Why is it so self-censored! I make a show that barely even has sex, we just lean harder into horror than is generally acceptable, and we talk all the time about how it's ok to do this because if someone doesn't want to listen they aren't our audience. And yet I'm still paralyzed by the anxiety that someone will get mad at me for playing toys in a morally incorrect way!
Fully respect the decision to get out, but it sounds like you're someone that might be able to make stuff that's actually meaningful. Thank you for writing this.