'Jane Doe' is a drama/thriller about a guy falling in love with a psychopath. And I don't really mean that in a hyperbolic or inflammatory way, it more of what's on the label. It's got the suspense, it's got the drama, it's got me thinking of Beastars in terms of the dynamic between the deer main character and the wolf love interest. It does a good job of leaving the reader on the edge of their seat, but I wonder if it has the hooks to keep folks wanting to come back and see more.
It should be said that this is somewhat of a first act of a larger story, as we get the introduction to the two main characters, we get a meet-cute, and then we get the first date and the first big twist of one of the characters. We've got our main protagonist deer man, Lucan, a dejected CEO/higherup business man who's in a loveless marriage and lacks an emotional support system, meets the love interest wolf, Ren, a quirky, eccentric, and energetic flower shop owner who seems to appear to help bring the brooding, mundane protagonist out of his dark depressing life (literally parting the rainy clouds for a ray of sunshine). Of course, the big twist is that they're actually a manipulative psychopath who's done this before to other men, to blackmail them out of their money or worse. And suddenly, we can't trust anything that this wolf has presented as their personality. Are they really quirky and fun, or is it just a mask so they can get their next fix? Is any of what they say about their melancholic backstory true, or is it just lies to make other people sorry for them to drop their guard? Whether or not this turns into a redemptive romance or a cautionary horror story, well, it's still too early to say, since it's just the first act. That being said, it's a solid start to the narrative and it does make the pit your stomach just fall when you read it.
The presentation is really striking. The combination of close up sketchy outlines for internal monologues, and the simple character sprites make an effective way to convey the mood of a scene. At first I was going to mention how hard it is to make out some of the facial expressions on the wolf, only being to make out the eyes and mouth when they're open, until I got to the twist and realized it was likely on purpose, just to add in that element of not being able to tell what this wolf is thinking. Even as far as them being such an ambiguous gender. It's super solid in the music and atmospheric sound effects. I think it does a few ren'py dialog box tricks where it'll move past a line to show that it's being cut off as you're reading it and the other character is interrupting. It does get a little bit heavy handed with the imagery and the metaphors. The title of the story being "Jane Doe", reference to unidentified victims of crime and with a deer character, the ray of sunshine on the wolf in the rain, the spider lilies of the Dead End Flower Shop. It's just setting up the scene for a 'true crime podcast episode'.
The writing itself is serviceable. The dialog can feel a little bit stiff, and when the big reveal happens, it does get a little bit 'villain monologuing'. I believe the folklore tale that was incorporated into this story is the tale of the 'boy who cried wolf', which is an interesting connection to try to marry to the current plot, as I'm not sure who is the boy in this metaphor. It's a little bit more 'wolf in sheep's clothing' type of tale. Does it feel a little clunky to add into the plot be it only being part of the first date between the two? Kind of. Though I will say that the idea of transforming one of Aesop's classic tales into a contemporary drama story is a cool and creative premise, especially if you're going in aiming for a psychopathic villain type of plot. I don't know if this story quite reaches that mark, if that's what this was aiming for at all.
Overall, it's a pretty good first timer jam entry. There's a lot of stylization and the art is great. The story will be gripping and interesting for some, but after seeing the reveal, I don't know if I need to read the rest to speculate what might happen. It is only the first act, so I can't give too much on feedback on what can or should happen should you continue to work on this and expand this to it's full conclusion. I'd say the biggest questions for me story wise, are eventually wanting to find out what the motivation and goal of Ren is, seems like this might be shrouded in mystery on purpose though. What's to become of Lucan, both in physical and emotional health. And what's the thematic through-line that this story is meant to have? Is it that blind trust is a virtue? That the meek shall be consumed by the wicked? Can someone be called wicked if it is just their base nature? Does everyone truly get what's coming to them? If you were hoping to make this more of a cliffhanger, I would suggest keeping the cards closer to your chest, maybe have the confrontation in the alley way just be another opportunity to sow uncertainty with Lucan walking in on the situation and getting two conflicting stories. Just something to keep in mind.