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On the whole, the story does what it sets out to do well - it's a confrontation of sorts, allowing the protagonist to both come to terms with and a chance to explain to their friends why they became absent, under the guise of a tabletop RPG session. It plays around with the barrier of roleplay and reality - here, the roleplay is the stronger force (perhaps as a way to hide, from the protagonist's point of view), with reality bleeding through more and more throughout. I think it's strengthened by all of the endings being variations of taking the first step towards moving forward. We and the characters don't get any big resolutions, or even answers as to what happened prior to the story; maybe it doesn't matter, it's a story still being told.

I do however have some critique about the actual writing. While the prose is good, with poetic ways to describe things that fit the setting, it uses a lot of this structure: negating statement > negating statement > actual statement. The use of repetition and this structure are very sound tools, but in this case there's an overreliance on it which both takes away the impact they'd ordinarily have, and honestly becomes a bit tiresome as they outweigh any other descriptors 10-1 (and as said, the prose is otherwise good!)

The other cast members, besides the main wolf, are on the simple side as they serve as reflections of the different paths the protagonist can take. Bara wolf is facing things head-on, the owl is avoidant, and the glowing wolf... I'm not entirely sure actually; the text tells me she's the sarcastic one but she mostly seems to deal in secrets? Either way, their characterisations work for the goal here. 

The presentation is pulled off well and from my understanding only used CC assets on top of that. The only sprite which kinda stands out is the Bara Wolf, whose style is the most different. Most of the backgrounds do well to sell the fantastical element (the one of the blue-lit forest stood out, it's a good one to start on). The only thing I can think of that could have been done is doing something like translucently flashing the real world when the barrier is breaking down to support the, admittedly very effective, use of the sound of paper being handled - just so it's covered audiovisually.

In summary, an excellent first outing from the creator, only bogged down by a curious writing choice that overstayed its welcome to me!

(1 edit)

Thank you for you depth analysis of my fvn. I planned the meta part of my story being inspired by one of my childhood books (The Neverending Story). The choices through the various chapters seems a bit unimportant but I basically aimed for small variations. Basically, I used 3 variables (trust, honesty and distance) to determine the outcome in the final chapter.

Since I'm no artist I used the assets provided from the jam artists, choosing the one I liked most.