Hi again, read this at 4am in the morning and those were the only words I had left in me.
The novel, conceptually, is very neat, but it could use a lot more work. Unfortunately due to the length of the implied story I don't think it fits with a GameJam per se. Plot-wise, it has a looot of potential and I can't wait to see more updates from this once the jam is over, I will be following the development.
Unfortunately the novel has some very rough edges at the moment, so I'm just going to rant slightly about my personal nitpicks:
* Why is the wolf route not the first one I can do? I would have loved to talk more to them, I genuinely felt like an ass for being forced to pick Liadlao instead. Liadlao's route would only work if the character had any pre-established character development. At the moment where you meet him, you have NO reason to take his route unless forced. The game gives you no reason to dislike Libulan at first (which I think is great, I would love to see more of the fluffy lad).
* The music, although interesting, can be overwhelming and distracting for reading (yes I am talking specifically about Liadlao's theme). I won't lie though I jammed for a solid 10 minutes just on the music alone.
* There's issues with the pacing and purpose of the characters, and due to the only present route being Liadlao, I find it very, VERY hard to like, relate or enjoy the writing of the main character. I felt like I was in the shoes of another person who would control the outcome for me, which, although fitting for someone that should embody death, there's no real substance in that character that was developed throughout the novel.
On the other hand,
* Art is absolutely great, even if unfinished. The style can end up turning out really really good by the end product and you have my full support on that.
* I adore that the visual novel is voice acted. Due to me being dyslexic, this helps a lot with actually processing all of the information and understanding everything, even if very few lines were not voice acted.
* The character designs themselves are really neat, and some plot points are really cool to follow, especially Libulan's struggle with desiring attention, and the willingness to do anything for that. It's a flaw, by all means, but I appreciate how much the character was developed in such a short time.
That's all for my little essay, looking forward to more updates, the story is intrigueing. :3