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Some technical issues, needs another read through with a mind to fixing the grammar and getting rid of some logic issues.

That said the bones of the story are good and I could see this being the opening to a book about a rebel group fighting for the freedom of their planet.

(+1)

Yah, original was longer, polish was lost while hacking it to fit.
Seemed fine at 1am when I submitted it, probably should've re-read it at a sensible hour.

I get that, happens to me all the time as well ^^ - definitely a fun read though still