itch.io

Listen, I don't want to sound rude, so bear with me. 

I'm not talking about a highly detailed script for every little aspect of the world you created. What I would like to see is for instance little, natural character interactions, thoughts of the MC (main character), world building, maybe thoughts of other characters too, those things. Setting up the world and preparing the basics is important. To me it feels like the days are over too soon and not many (relevant) things have happend. A better introduction of the characters would be nice as well...

I am indeed no writer, but a heavy reader. English is not my native language either, though I do read books/... in English and I want to think that I, in the meantime, learned what one should pay attention to while writing a story.

Sure, everyone explains certain things different than the next person. Nobody creates the same characters and lets them interact the same way and so on. You're right on that front. Though every author has to write after the same formula or else the story is not authentic/real enough. Your story doesn't feel realistic/natural/fluid yet, despite the fantasy tag, more like forced. I don't really know how to express what I mean in the right words. Hopefully you understand it anyway. :/

If you don't want helpful advices please say so, or if you think they're not helpful at all.

PS: Please read another VN (Pervader, Tennis Ace, Wolfstar Sins and Paradise, Four Letter Word, Major/Minor, ...), not to copy their work/ideas, but simply to see how they have done it. 

(Your replies are sometimes a bit childish and you don't seem to be very capable of criticism. Try to stay composed and friendly, even if it's not always easy:)