I think others have said basically what I noticed in my readthrough regarding a bit of a consistency/writing pass to clear up the flow of information! That said, I really enjoy investigative adventures and I think this is an excellent foundation for one! The layout and art are clean and readable with just enough subtle flair to engage the reader, and I think the central conflict between the corpos and the workers is well-staged. The swarm is eerie! Really great elements all throughout that I think can really shine with a punch-up:
- From a consistency standpoint, I'd recommend changing the formatting of the statblocks to match up with the standard [Creature C:50 2d10 DMG I:50 W:2(20] format.
- I also think that it's worth considering some additional content warnings for loss of agency and something to do with the lover gods' pheremonal influence.
- For the detention cells, I'd avoid feeding the players false info on a skill check failure. Changing this to a passive skill trigger for Psychology or something might be more effective!
- I'd probably also avoid using the specific term schizophrenia as a throwaway. Plenty enough to just say he's traumatized and losing it!
- Having page/panel references doesn't super work here since the panels aren't numbered. Might be worth changing to reference specific headings instead.
All that to say, I certainly see a lot of room for improvement, but this is a really solid foundation with a good visual direction and lots of creative energy all throughout! Really stoked to see it evolve post-jam if you're keen. Good stuff!