1)In fact, the character of the ruler is gender-neutral ( in languages where this is possible) precisely so that players can identify with them however they like. We plan to clarify this in a new version of the intro.
Unfortunately, adding a gender selection option at the start of the game would have been quite a burden in terms of writing and translation since we're a small team
2) These are just quests
3) Most of the character you mentioned will be romanceable! But unfortunately, Arlin is a married man and a happy father
4) Well spotted ty :)
(thank you for this long feedback!)