Post by TheOpheliac in (One more time) From the Top! v0.33 comments

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I didn't like my past feedback so decided to try posting again.

I've played until the end of the beginning chapter (so just after the interrogation) and the biggest problem so far is the many typos in the game. Plus some weird phrasing that doesn't sound natural in English. This is natural since it isn't your first language and you're working on your own. Still, I would suggest eventually hiring a proof-reader to look over the script and weed a lot of these typos out.

At first I kinda just assumed the game would be set in Hollywood because movie studios, but it ended up being in the UK instead which is nice. If characters using words like bloody set off my radar an underground mention made it concrete for me.

I won't comment on the WIP art or lack of music since the game is very much still in development. I hope making this goes well for you, especially since we're all going through rough times right now.

I'm not a game dev expert but I assume this was likely made in Ren'py. If so, I would like to see a log added so you can look at/ reference past dialogue. I realise that if you're going for a more detective style visual novel, this might conflict with wanting the player to remember things rather than just look back. But given that some people like myself make way too many saves, that might be a problem either way.

I guess if I'm complaining about typos, I should actually point some out and help. When something is going to happen for a certain period of time, it's temporary; not temporal. During the interrogation scene, you're asked if Hayley had a boyfriend. One of the answers is that you saw her with Blayke when it should be Blake.

I'm looking forward to future updates of the game. Hopefully I haven't come off as obnovious. I was actually a little worried about posting feedback.

MadJubal3 years ago

Hi TheOpheliac!

Obnovious? Is that even a word? or is a typo? I guess I'm not the only one! Just kidding, don't be mad!

I agree with everything you've said. Really. But know if you allow me to explain...

I'm very aware of typos and weird phrasing, even though I've been living in the UK for a decade I'm not a native and sadly I wouldn't never sound or write as one. Yes, I thought of working with someone to help me fixing that, but is difficult when I barely make any money with the game. If someone spend time doing some proof-reading the least I can do is paying for the time. I spend 30-40 hours a way on every update (not counting all the planing and thoughts) and get less than £100. Most people would have abandoned the game by now.

WIP art. If you play till the last update you will see it some scene are not WIP anymore, some of them are final and other just the lineart. Next month or the following one, once I finish the current Chapter, I will start finishing all those WIP art from the very beginning. Some audio is also on the way (I play all my games without a sound xD)

I will definitely look into that log thingy you're saying cos I have no idea what it is. Never used it.

And don't worry, you can write any feedback you want. How would I improve the game if nobody gives a feedback!?

Hope you stick around, and if you feel like instead writing long feedback you can always hit me up on discord and have a better chat

Lots of love

Jubal

TheOpheliac3 years ago

It was indeed a typo. When it comes to me, I am a natural English speaker so it's more just accidentally pressing something on a keyboard. It was meant to be obnoxious and I must not have realised. My apologies for any confusion caused.

I understand that it isn't something you can do at the moment. Finding a good proof-reader could be expensive, and right now a lot of people don't have the money they used to. Paying for rent etc. is to be expected but now with the COVID outbreak a lot of people have lost their jobs. So they're not going to have as much money free to put towards Kickstarters, Patreon etc.

I do hope that things get better for you financially. Obviously my point of view is somewhat selfish as I'm soneone interested in the game and want it to be completed. But you do have to put yourself first before anything else.

When it comes to audio, a lot of indie visual novels like this on Itch seem to just license music using creative commons if the developer can't afford to hire a composer. So you could always just go the Kevin MacLeod route like a lot of other people. I'm not an expert on copyright, so I'd recommend just googling if an idea like that interested you.

I used saves to go through all the little Christmas variations, which definitely caught me off guard at first. It makes sense in hindsight realising that update would've been released around the holidays. It being a dream sequence makes sense, so unfortunately the protagonist didn't get the kiss they wanted from *insert love interest of your choice here*.

MadJubal3 years ago

I know it was a typo, I was being silly/funny. Don't worry.

I understand that people are going to struggle these days with money (so am I, I'm afraid.) But like I said since the very beginning, money is just a way to feel appreciated and loved after the hard work. If I wanted money I would have gone for a furry approach (usually they have more followers).

They game will have an ending. I cannot stress this enough. Even if have to be some kind of rush ending, I hate leaving things unfinished and you guys don't deserve that.

I'll look into that music, thank you.

The Christmas thing... well, the kiss was a last thing addition. I had a long debate myself if including or not cos I didn't want to show the first kiss yet. You were suppose to lean to kiss him and then.... wake up. I decided to give you a bit of "action" especially after you do all the paths (you know what I mean? xD)

Thank you for the wonderful feedback. I really really really appreciate it

itch.io

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