Early on specifically, there are some elongated sentences, and the story has some tense changes between present and past that could be tightened. But the more I read, the easier it was to follow. There are a lot of versions of the Red Riding Hood story, but I’m always up for new ways to tell them, and I think this is a pretty neat version.
Something I especially appreciate about this story is how you show more of Rebecca’s family before her journey. Most versions of this story spend little to no time on her immediate family, and I like that her parents and home life are given some time. But at the same time, I wish they got more. There is a lot more that could be said about the argument the parents have. I was waiting for the father to say something like “You’re worried about grandma but you’ll let our daughter go in the woods alone?”
The restructuring of the monster, the wolf, and Wilson as a character was really interesting as well. I would have loved to see those areas given far more time. Spending some more time at home before the journey would have given more time for the parents and Wilson. And showing more of the journey for Rebecca and the wolf would have given us more of a journey feeling to story and more room to have the wolf talk about her own life.
I was also a little confused when Rebecca reacted so calmly to a talking wolf and would have liked some in-universe clarity on if that was considered normal for the setting. And while I really enjoyed the visual symbolism used for Wilson in his disturbing transformations, I feel there was more that could be done there as well. He seems like a really interesting antagonist to learn more about. By no means am I saying you “should” do this, but just as an idea, what if Wilson survived his injuries and had to flee, but when Rebecca gets home, she finds that Wilson is back there and lied to her family, forcing her to use her wits to defeat him in a future installment of the story and show more of the setting?
I hope this doesn’t sound overly negative because it’s quite the opposite. I was quite invested with this retelling and I really like the changes you made. I just wanted more of what you already have. And I would love to read more with these characters.