I like how you listened to your instinct regarding video tutorials and then first researched what you want to commit to.
I can definitely agree that bigger courses have a structure that I also enjoy more than bite-sized information.
I can also relate to sometimes feeling like I don’t have something worth saying for an original concept. That others are so creative and I just like to learn and tag along. This opinion about me is changing though. I’ve come to realize that I need to learn to listen to my instincts and to give myself time and space for my ideas to come together. Rick Rubin’s book The Creative Act has, I believe, helped me start this process of trusting that just maybe I am allowed to be creative. Maybe we’re all alowed to be artists.
Wish you all the best on your journey. Mine (in games) has been a rollercoater, but I still would not change it for anything else.