The idea itself is quirky with a certain charm that kind of reminds me of more experimental interludes in 70s prog music like maybe on a Gentle Giant album. While it also fits the narrative of the given jams theme well. However it feels like it needs further more exploration to really shape its intended form. At times it feels a bit disorganized and lacking the focus it might need to convey the more upbeat creative idea more. Also the balance of sounds makes it feel a bit disjointed in that regard, since the wosh sound at times overpower the piano playing or when the piano is heard it somewhat feels like just noodling away aimlessly.
Like said before there is something interesting and intriguing in there and without wanting to talk it down. But the things you should focus on for developing it more or explore this idea more is to focus on its structure. What story should et tell? Which intent does it have and how do you convey that? Are there different elements/actors that get represented by different melodies or instruments? Which element needs the focus at which time and are there elements that might distract from that? I think getting thru some of those questions or similar ones for yourself might help you find the aim to create a more conveying presentation of your quirky but charming ideas.