damn that's actually quite a unique concept for a yandere, makes them a whole lot scarier lol! I now understand his character more o.o and I didn't know you weren't native, my apologies! Well actually I'm not either, czech is my first language but I learnt english very early on, so i may aswell be a native speaker lol. The only reason I said that it sounds like a 10 year old wrote it is bc i wrote a pokemon story when i was 10 and the dialogue reminded me of how I wrote the pokemon battles lol! I meant no hate T_T
And honestly, the dialogue is overall very good, our partner's dialogue did a great job of making me hate him lol, and Zehir's dialogue aand VA is honestly incredible!! As for those descriptive bits, I will absolutely rewrite them- i dont have much time today, but ill make sure to add them in the next few days, I'll just reply to this comment with the original line and then with the rewritten version next to it- you can use them in the game or edit them however you like after that!! :D
And I can also say places where I think it would be cool to have choices, if you want, I can also include that in the next comment.:) and if there's any future characters you need help writing/designing, I'm absolutely open to it!! character design and writing is my speciality;D Honestly, I would help with backgrounds, but I fear I'm a beginner at backgrounds, I have just now started incorporating backgrounds into my works lol, but honestly the art in this game is incredible and does not need anything done to it at all. The only two bits where I found something is in the kiss scene, it describes him as kissing MC hungrily and ferociously, but in the cg it looked like a little peck LOL, and in his sprite when he has this mouth closed his teeth sort of look like tiny doritos sticking out of his mouth, but honestly, i only realised bc i am very observant and nitpicky, and i criticise almost every single media i consume, I just love being a critic, and i guess i have a natural eye for it, i also observe and critique things a lot so i know what to do and what not to do in my own works, so a normal person absolutely would not ven notice these details, and they are insignificant anyways, and absolutely do not need changing if you don't wish to do so, again im just very observant and nitpicky about basically everything lol. But if u do ever need help with anything art related, even though our styles are very different, as i said i do have experience working with other styles and help my freinds with their drawings a lot, so im very good at editing drawings to make them look better or even at mimicking art styles:)
As for my art, I'll show some of my most recent works (most of them are still works in progress) and unfortunately, these are some of my more boring character designs T_T i have like a trillion ocs and most of them have cooler character designs than these, most of them are my huamn camp ocs with some random other ones sprinkled in there, and the jster and wolf one is fanart qwq I just haven't had a lot of time to work on them because school and life stuff is really taking up my time:') our art styles are very different but I have a lot of self insert ocs for media that i like, and i sometimes do screencaps with my oc in it, so im pretty good at replicating artstyles if you ever need help with any of your art, but it honestly doesn't need it as far as i've seen, but i'm always open.<3 anyways ill just show my art since you asked but it's very different to your style so idek why im showing it but honestly ill get any chance to show people my stuff LOL, u dont even need to reply 2 this bit if u dont want to <33 but if u do then some of them r older and some r newer, so if the heads look too big on some of them or some anatomy looks off, its probably one of my older works, i was struggling with finding my style for a while, but ive just recently sort of settled down, so the newer ones definitely look more improved in my opinion:) itch is very weird with attaching photos, so i added some in a collage and added the ones i could again with higher resolution lol( also the image of the bedroom under this is my mha ocs room/my dream room, and basically the closest thing ive ever gotten to drawing an actual background:3)
