yea idk if you have a therapist or go to therapy but I mean this genuinely not in any insulting way that especially if you say your spark for life is dead you should totally be in therapy I think it could do you some real good dude I wish you the best of luck in life and to those around you
I hope you can build a strong support system as people are not meant to walk alone in life and you seem like a prime candidate for therapy with your belief that you cannot trust anyone I would say try genuinely not going into it with your mindset that its all useless, and you may end up happier than ever