I think man.... You could really do with finding someone that is English native (preferably US English native, nothing against British native, just story/characters don't seem to lean towards the proper side of English language behavior) to actually go over and rework this script. The translation from whatever your native language is to this......attempt, is not doing this shit any justice. Takes incredible willpower... or resignation, to be able to keep moving through the story which is a shame because you did put some decent effort into the models and environment/assets. Will also help with frame of mind/perspective aspects of things being said in the story because some of it is just, ridiculous to say the least.
Whatever your cultural take on masculine/feminine is.... Is significantly killing any impact you're trying to go for with the characters.