In general I liked this a lot, but as the "submitted 9 minutes, 5 seconds before the deadline" feels spiritually true especially towards the end, I think I want to wait for a post-jam update before doing a more thorough reread and gathering my thoughts properly. In lieu of a more polished review, please accept some scattered notes:
– I think it took me until hearing that the author was inspired by Kentucky Route Zero before the magical realist touches fully clicked in place. The idea is good regardless, but the execution is maybe not as graceful as in the inspiration, which provides a much smoother on-ramp to the really surreal elements. The progression from the mine to the bureau to the museum to the distillery and so on feels very intentional in how it teaches the player what kind of stuff to expect and how to read it in relation to the game's societal themes. With this game, I can see some readers struggling with how fast and with how little setup we're dropped into an absolutely wild concept – I almost feel like it's something the story should either open with or build more gradually towards (maybe the ballet could also be weird and magical in some way, or something).
– I've seen others remark on the main couple's lack of chemistry, which I think is a good observation and ultimately very true to life. It reminded me of Joanna Hogg's The Souvenir duology (which are some of my favorite movies ever, so take this as praise) in how the story basically just takes the fact that these two are dating at face value without really attempting to narrativize or explain it. The vibe is that of a loosely recalled memory.
– I love all the art, and I think the art direction stays together pretty well, too. It's one of those VNs where even the stock image backgrounds feel like they were curated with care. Besides further customizing Ren'Py's default UI – which never does much favors to any sort of story – I think something representing an area of improvement would be logo design: the text logo is a noticeable weak part in the otherwise attractive itch cover image. It's only this kind of small stuff that makes it feel like the game is 95 % instead of 100 % of the way to looking fully polished visually.
– The pacing is not slow, but it's maybe slower than it could or should be mostly due to the journey to Cygnus's memories being nonlinear but not really compensating with any other way to make it feel like we're making constant progress. I don't mind that the department exists as little more than a way to make the story happen in principle, but I think there's maybe a missed opportunity to get more specific about what exactly Erin is doing there and why to give the events some shape and sense of urgency.
– On the character design front, I think the game strikes an excellent balance between making Cygnus look sort of ethereal and mystical (as if they were already a ghost) but not too out of place with the other characters.