Bowser's Grade: B+
Spoilers ahead!
Just a quick disclaimer that my grades mean nothing and I just want to provide some feedback that will hopefully allow the creator to grow and learn.
This is a short one, but so wonderfully in-scope for a game jam! This is the kind of story that works incredibly well for a month-long project.
Here are some of the things I enjoyed:
- The cohesive art direction is very appreciated. The black and white color palette help sets a rather somber mood, while the toony style of the characters contrasts that mood to bring some levity. Not only does this look charming, it wonderfully compliments the tone of the writing. Well done!
- The custom backgrounds are also very appreciated. I could tell they're screenshots from a video game, but a lot of care went into adding visual effects to match the art style. It ends up elevating the piece overall.
- I enjoyed the writing style! It does great work capturing the authentic thoughts of an early college student, struggling to attune to adult life.
- Sentence structure was also solid! Was a pleasure to read aloud and each sentence flowed very well.
- The way the story ended surprised me in a good way! I was waiting for the hammer to drop, expecting that the main character's entire family had died, or the main character is actually dead themself, or something dark like that. I'm quite happy it didn't go in that direction. I think it's important sometimes to tell grounded stories like this sometimes.
- I resonated a lot with the main character. I too struggle with occasional bouts of low self-esteem, and then feel guilty about having such low-esteem. This piece and the main character work towards normalizing these thoughts and feelings that a lot of young adults struggle with. Overall, I think this story handles it very well.
Here are some areas of improvement:
- I would have loved to see some custom UI elements for this piece. The default DejaVu Sans font and text box luckily weren't tonally dissonant from the art style, but I would love to see the extra effort put into the presentation. It helps differentiate the piece from more low-effort RenPy projects, and it goes a long way to elevating the piece overall.
- In the interest of not making this review too long, I don't want to meticulously list out the individual issues I had with the writing. But to summarize, I think all you have to do is just keep writing! You'll do some great work finding your voice, upgrading your word choice, and improving your sentence structure after some practice.
Overall, it was a great pleasure to read this one. I think you show some great promise as a writer, artist, and developer. Keep making things! I very much look forward to your next project 💖.