On the whole, I'm a bit torn; there are some things that I think are fantastic, and some things I don't think quite worked for me in the way the game was aiming for.
The idea of getting a lot of prominent FVN musicians to make in-universe songs is honestly excellent and a perfect representation of the kind the communal creativity that makes these game jams so fun. I think they could maybe have been used in the game better (only the one the protagonist's band sings really feels essential for the story, and the final two happen pretty close to each other), but I love the concept with all my heart and would say that the songs themselves are very good, too. Good job, everyone!
Writing-wise, the primary thought I'm left with is that the structure, the pacing, and the scope don't feel like they serve the story being told. The game is going with a musical biopic-esque thing where we track the band's rise and fall through the years, but the execution falters: there's a lack of a clear central thread to give the events shape, and in general, I don't think every decision about what to show and what to leave out works. This is most easily seen in the fact that after every time jump, the narration has to do a lot of exposition to catch up with what has happened since the last time we saw the characters – if that stuff is the important part, shouldn't we be watching it play out? Moreover, unlike all those biopics that barrage the viewer with facts about singles, albums, and concerts, we don't get a clear sense of how the band is doing and how everything affects their art, and as a result, it feels like we're barely familiar by the time they're already breaking up.
The segment where the pacing comes off as the least rushed is probably the beginning – the character interactions can actually breathe there – but, ironically, I also think that it's likely the least essential. Much of what happens there feels like something that could be safely exposited later: seeing Everett and Curtis meet is nice in theory, but Everett's one-sided crush doesn't make for a lot of dynamic character drama. I'm not a fan of everything the beginning chooses to spend time on detailing, either (the homophobic dad and the asshole store owner feel like stock characters the game doesn't do anything interesting with) but I do like that there's a lot of historical context about what's happening with music.
On the other hand, the ending is maybe the most fast-paced part, coming with a lategame genre shift that I think doesn't fully materialize emotionally or add a lot to how the game previously talked about addiction. I can't say whether it's too big of a swing in principle, but at least with how it reads right now, I was basically too baffled and surprised to get anything else from it. I wonder if it would work better as a framing device than a twist?
I do like a lot about the art, with the caveat that I'm not sure if the art direction fully comes together with so many distinct styles and some small stumbles. Not all assets that are fine on their own look good when put together: for example, some of the sprites (Curtis's first sprite especially) have colors so muted that they risk disappearing in the backgrounds full of bright tones and stark contrasts. Also, I think it adds to the character drama feeling a bit stilted that the sprites have no variation in expressions but are stuck in dramatic poses that convey a lot of emotion. When Curtis is on the screen all hunched over and reserved and shy, there's a big disconnect with reading about him arguing and shouting. Again, the art is not bad in the slightest bit, but I feel like many pieces don't fully account for the entire story context in which they appear.
This all being said, I know how it is with game jams, and I can see a lot about how the VN is like now arising from a rush to get it completed by the deadline. In any case, congrats for finishing it, and good luck to the team with whatever changes may be planned for after the jam!