It's curious how the issues that parts which others are complaining about are the parts I find strongest. Your worldbuilding is great; your exposition of the world's metaphysics in particular is what sold me on this story. Luther, Cymhen, and Rane are all interesting, well-developed characters.
In my opinion, your weakness is the story's women. They're too simple, and Rane's relationship with them is progressing too quickly. Orlaith is supposed to be deeply traumatized, but rarely loses her composure and never much struggles to reach her objectives in her path to healing. There doesn't seem to be much to Aerion's personality beyond her desperate need for affirmation and the rather tropeic contrast between her physique and her personality. Leala is supposed to be a potentially troublesome manipulator but consistently comes across as both reasonable and sincere, and because this is a harem game and they're all destined to have good relationships with Rane, it is difficult to seriously suspect that her entire presented demeanor is a well-crafted lie. Bael and Fiadh would have been more interesting characters if Rane hadn't more or less immediately—and in Bael's case, somewhat inexplicably—figured out what was truly going on behind their masks; there doesn't seem to be much room left to develop them now, personality-wise. Even the Grym women seem to all be slightly different refractions of the same basic personality: kind, playful, and slightly mischievous.
I don't know how long you plan for the final game to be, but I'm guessing there's plenty of time to slow the pace of the intimacy and add more facets and depth to these characters. I'd like to see that.